Why we fall out of love?

“When the moon hits your eye

like a big pizza pie,

that’s amore!” sang Dean Martin.

~ 

We all know the delicious

feeling of new love,

but what about the flip side?

Love doesn’t always last,

and its retreat can leave

us bewildered, confused

or downright depressed.

~

Even if you were raised on

a plentiful diet of fairy tales,

you know that “till death

do us part” can be a rare thing.

~ 

Even staying with someone

forever is no guarantee of

experiencing lasting love.

~

But why do people really

fall out of love? Is there

anything we can do

to make love stay?

Do some of us give

up too easily?

~

Who can to understand

the phenomenon of love’s end?

 ~

Maybe a distancing “Wave”

can topple a good thing

if you let it.

After all, real love is

a big deal. It involves

a leap of faith, and that can

be a scary thing.

~

Those who give in to the Wave

fall out of love before they

even give themselves

a chance to fall properly

in love, and that’s kind of sad.

~

delete reply jenny480 wrote on Jan 12 I think little things start to eat away at love just as a big strong castle with little thing being forgotten over a period of time the structure begins to crumble. respect is lost little by little, the magic wears away little by little trust wears thin and on and on unless it is stopped and like the castle repaired and made strong again. Just like the castle it gets to a point that no amount of care or repair will do any good and it crumbles.

delete reply dmvan wrote on Jan 9 A good question, Viera. I really don't think I can add any more than the posters already have. I've enjoyed reading their responses, and listening to the song!

delete reply simplyregina wrote on Jan 8 So does true love really exist? Yes the fact is true love does exist even in the present day society but the question remains how to figure out whether your love is true or not? True love is blind- Yes it's a fact. When your love is true you would not even realize how and when you fell in it. It just happens to you. You would never even know or realize how you developed such feelings but you would have a strong inclination towards the person you love and such feelings would be heart felt. You would miss that person every moment- You would always miss the person you love each and every moment of your life no matter what. You would always want to be around him or her as much as possible. The magic never ends- When your love is true the magic never ends. You still get the same feelings and butterflies in your stomach which you used to get when you fell in love for the first time. But if the true love known to last forever or if we can fall in love more than once – that is a big question?

delete reply bendmeover wrote on Jan 8 Sometimes people only THINK they are in love, but really aren't. So often what's really going on is selfishness on the part of both of them. Each wants for him or herself; even when they wish for good things for their partner, deep down inside their is still selfish motivation. I know this all sounds sad but true love is not as widespread as most think. *frown*

delete reply ecoop0601 wrote on Jan 7 Hello Viera, thanks for sharing. Some people have more faith about there relationship than the one they were involved with. I guess that's why some are still in Love with that person after separation, but then it's to late. But, in the mean time the one that left, soon finds out that the grass is not always greener on the other side. :-)

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 7 arnejan said In my view, love takes many forms. In closing may I ask you how love is to you, and how you perceive it? Thanks. Some years ago, someone also told me that true love is just a myth; it is something authors invented and it only existed in their books! I sighed and for a second there, I almost believed… Then, I met a love story, one which has been there for years and is still going on… I doubted again: True love does exist! Maybe some deny the existence of love and its great power, Yet others still sense, smell, taste and live love by the hour. Maybe we've never been introduced to love some time before, And maybe it just didn't yet find its way to our door. Love does exist, love in its purest form, one which won't lie or deceive. Nothing is always perfect and we know we need to hold on...

delete reply arnejan wrote on Jan 7 No, Viera, I am not telling you that won't find two people, with the same interest, similar qualities, and could love each other, for a very long time, because I have had the great fortune to meet some people, who meet all these criteria. However, even such people or couples go through the dynamics of life, because it is simply inevitable, whereas their love for each other undoubtedly grew stronger, as they learned to appreciate each more, get more used to each other, allow for differences (increased tolerance and respect), if you see what I mean. I definitely believe that marriage has a future. It is also evidenced by the fact that many couples that started by simply living together later opt for getting married, which, in my opinion, still represent a stronger bond and declaration etc. Dogs are great observers, far better than the average human. They also learn and develop much more quickly. Similarly respect, confidence in another being, the "law" of the pack or heard instincts, if you will, play a much more significant role among dogs than among most people today, that have increasingly become more individualistic and self-centred, often lacking the same loyalty and solidarity that we see among well-balanced dogs. Even if they do not speak like us, their communication tends to be far clearer and forthcoming, being far more open and direct, which also results in the establishment of good relationships far more quickly than tend to be the case with humans. The dogs are also far more positive and do not hold on to grudges like us. Instead they live in the present, and enjoy play and simple pleasures even at an older age. There is far more to it than I have described, but hopefully it will suffice for now. In my view, love takes many forms. In closing may I ask you how love is to you, and how you perceive it? Thanks.

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 7 arnejan said Moreover, love does not represent a form of possession, although many tend to think so, among both genders. Unfortunately we see the result of such thinking when a love relationship ends, be it in separation or divorce. Oh yes...Thank you for your beautiful comment... Ages ago told us the same Heraclitus, who was born more than 500 years BC and was famous for his insistence on ever-present change in the universe, as stated in his famous saying, "No man ever steps in the same river twice". But he believed in the unity of opposites, stating that "the path up and down are one and the same", all existing entities being characterized by pairs of contrary properties. Don't tell me that on the earth don't exist two person, who have the same interest, similar qualities and could love each other for a very long time... Frankly speaking I don't know about such a pair, but I know about the situations when only one of them endure the in a great love. Actually has marriage a future? How it is possible that the dog could achieved it... Even though Love does not represent a form of possession, it is the most beautiful feeling even if for a short time...

delete reply arnejan wrote on Jan 7 Just a brief follow-up, as a brief comment on your statement that you are bothered by the volatility of love and that it often is unilateral. Love by definition represents an affection, feeling, emotion, or sentiment etc. All of these are dynamic in nature, regardless of what you call it, as is life itself. There is nothing in life that is constant, i.e. invariable. Instead you have fluctuations, stemming from the life activities, interactions, challenges etc. Moreover, love does not represent a form of possession, although many tend to think so, among both genders. Unfortunately we see the result of such thinking when a love relationship ends, be it in separation or divorce. Here in Spain we have at least one gender murder a week, usually committed by a male. What these people fail to recognize, as does most others, is that nobody belongs to anybody, as the Swedish girl Barbro Karlén so succinctly and clearly stated it in her first poetry book, published when she was only 12 years of age. In the preface to this book you'll find this statement: "Life is in many ways a choice of alternatives, or substititions for alternatives and for a great part of our lives we try to make uncertainties into certainties." We have a great deal to learn from people like Barbro, and from our great companions the dogs, who are much better at living in harmony than us.

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 7 arnejan said First, there is a distinction between being in love and what is called mature love, and nobody has described and dealt with it better than Erich Fromm, set out in his book The Art of Loving, which recapitulated and complemented the theoretical principles of human nature found in Escape from Freedom and Man for Himself. I really accept each one of your words... I do not deny the existence of different forms of love ... just bothers me that is so volatile and often unilaterally... Actually I love all my flowers at home... Many thanks for visiting my page Have a nice weekend

delete reply arnejan wrote on Jan 7 First, there is a distinction between being in love and what is called mature love, and nobody has described and dealt with it better than Erich Fromm, set out in his book The Art of Loving, which recapitulated and complemented the theoretical principles of human nature found in Escape from Freedom and Man for Himself. When we first fall in love with someone, and especially at an early age, it involves physical and sexual attraction, and passion, mentioned above in the comments. However, most of us continue to develop and change, as a result of this development and our experiences etc. Moreover, there are also various forms of love, depending on the relationship and the role we play, such as mother-child, sibling love, love for our elders etc. There is thus no predominant form of love. There is also love between humans and animals, such as dogs, without it taking on the same form of love between humans. Love can thus be said to be a many splendored thing, which was also the title of a movie, which some of you may have seen. Cheers!

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 7 firefysh said Very wise words, Viera. Ingrid and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary last year. The wave is a long, long way off. :-) Lucky man... Congratulations Graham to your happy marriage "I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make my marriage vows mean what they say. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh." Thanks for visiting my page...

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 7 belita747 said There is not one single reason but many that might explain why some people happen to fall out of love... Most of the times, they themselves do not know the objective reason for having fallen out of love. Heart-related matters are very much delicate and not led by the brain... So being, they are subjective and hardly explained, understood, either... I absolutely agree with you dear Belita. But I can only repeat my question : But the expectations and believing in myths about marriage, thinking that someone else can make me happy, trying to read one another's mind, wanting to do everything together, losing your self, and wanting to have a perfect marriage are direct paths to disappointment and unhappiness... Actually why not to believe it...??? Who is not prepared for such a "happy life"??? is it always a woman who expected more ???

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 7 privategripweed said yes thats true,Marriage and Love are a whole experience and not something you can dive in and out of But the expectations and believing in myths about marriage, thinking that someone else can make me happy, trying to read one another's mind, wanting to do everything together, losing your self, and wanting to have a perfect marriage are direct paths to disappointment and unhappiness... Actually why not to believe it...??? Who is not prepared for such a "happy life"??? is it always a woman who expected more ???

delete reply firefysh wrote on Jan 7 Very wise words, Viera. Ingrid and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary last year. The wave is a long, long way off. :-)

delete reply belita747 wrote on Jan 7 There is not one single reason but many that might explain why some people happen to fall out of love... Most of the times, they themselves do not know the objective reason for having fallen out of love. Heart-related matters are very much delicate and not led by the brain... So being, they are subjective and hardly explained, understood, either...

delete reply privategripweed wrote on Jan 6 viera7 said I think and will believe that true marriage is believing in someone so completely that you commit all that you are, and all that you have, t o that person for life... And it works when both of them have the same oppinion of that yes thats true,Marriage and Love are a whole experience and not something you can dive in and out of

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 6 pixielittlemagic said love takes patience.and understanding welcome Caroline...and thank you for your wise comments...

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 6 oletimes said Awesome post Thank you and welcome to the friendly, excited, lively discussion...

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 6 privategripweed said its like everyday is Christmas day,especially when you get to unwrap your gift everyday I think and will believe that true marriage is believing in someone so completely that you commit all that you are, and all that you have, t o that person for life... And it works when both of them have the same oppinion of that

delete reply privategripweed wrote on Jan 6 thats so true

delete reply pixielittlemagic wrote on Jan 6 the .rest will...follow...:)

delete reply privategripweed wrote on Jan 6 its like everyday is Christmas day,especially when you get to unwrap your gift everyday

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 6 oletimes said Awesome post and i must agree with privategripweed! Passion and Love are completely two different things! Love and passion.. Usually comes together, as passion motivated by love and at the same time that love can be also inspired by passion But the powerful word behind is there, It is really such a strong feeling of "EMOTION" that moves to STIR the passion. Whether love may pursue with passion, then it is the greatest feeling...

delete reply pixielittlemagic wrote on Jan 6 love takes patience.and understanding

delete reply oletimes wrote on Jan 6 Awesome post and i must agree with privategripweed! Passion and Love are completely two different things!

delete reply privategripweed wrote on Jan 6 viera7 said Creativity and open minds are the stuff of lasting love; silence and blaming, though? Not so much. That is so true.A loving relationship/Marriage is something that needs work and to build on,to sit there and expect it to to work its self will let it slip away from under your feet

edit delete reply viera7 wrote on Jan 6 privategripweed said When we meet somebody,they say the passion lasts between 9-18 months,I have seen people get married in this time but it's only a feint.Those marriages are usual failures.We have to wait untill the passion subsides and only then can we see if we are in love for real.Too many people confuse Passion with real Love.We we do find real Love it is all consuming and nothing can break that bond that two people can develope for each other. :-) Welcome on my page...and thank you for your nice comment... It usually doesn’t help to fight and blame your partner for all of the relationship’s problems Couples fall out of love when they can’t find a way to make the partnership good for both people involved. Creativity and open minds are the stuff of lasting love; silence and blaming, though? Not so much. Then again, love doesn’t necessarily have to last decades (or a lifetime) to matter. Romantic relationships can also evolve into dear friendships — and that’s perfectly fine “We may come together for a certain period of time to help each other learn and grow, and when that has been accomplished, we’ve gotten everything we were meant to get out of the relationship But even some do not reach that...:-)

delete reply privategripweed wrote on Jan 6 When we meet somebody,they say the passion lasts between 9-18 months,I have seen people get married in this time but it's only a feint.Those marriages are usual failures.We have to wait untill the passion subsides and only then can we see if we are in love for real.Too many people confuse Passion with real Love.We we do find real Love it is all consuming and nothing can break that bond that two people can develope for each other. :-)